I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
