The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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