After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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