Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
