Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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