maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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