What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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