Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
