it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
