i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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