he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
