I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
