In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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