So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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