i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
