You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
