Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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