everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
