I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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