she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
