i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize