It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
