all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
