I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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