Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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