i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
