john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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