First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
