4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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