Sry I called you an 8
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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