I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
