Already got asked if we're dating
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
