His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
