You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
