i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
