i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
