About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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