All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
