Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
