he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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