We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
