wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
