Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
