i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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