oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
