she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
