i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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