Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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