I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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