Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
