the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
